Throwback Thursday

We just celebrated my daughters 2nd birthday the other day (I wrote a post about it), and I started thinking about her 1st birthday. Her party was one of the worst moments of my life. I was overjoyed that my baby was turning one, and I will forever remember that day for that. I tried my hardest to focus on that, but there was a lot of other stuff going on as well. There was some personal family things happening that made that day miserable for me. I found out in the middle of her party that the doctors thought my mom may have cancer. This was quite possibly the worst time to find this out (as if there is ever a good time to find this out). That moment will forever be burned into my memory as one of the worst moments of my life. I remember standing on the front porch (luckily the party was in the backyard so none of the other party guests knew what was going on). Then I just remember falling to the ground crying and screaming when I was told this. I was finally calmed down some, and slapped a smile on my face to enjoy the rest of the day with my daughter. I had a fake smile on my face for awhile. I tried my hardest to just focus on her and be happy. It was her day after all, and not fair at all what else was going on that day to her. I do not think I will ever tell her everything that happened that day. All I want her to remember and know about is that we all celebrated her and how wonderful she is. Luckily she was 1 and had no idea what was going on. I will always remember my baby's first birthday party as a way to celebrate her and her first year of life, and I try to never remember everything else that went on that day. We later found out that she does not have cancer. Looking back on those pictures I remember the sadness I felt that day, and the happiness for my daughter. The latter is what I try to focus on. I also was very very unhappy with how I looked. It was about 95 degrees that day, which made it even more miserable that day. I was so much happier at her birthday party this year.

 

 

I am so glad that I have these pictures so that I can remember her special day celebrating her, but I hate looking at myself in them.