Throwback Thursday

Yes I know it is Friday and not Thursday. I am writing this as I am currently staring out at the ocean. I am thinking about our family vacation last year. I had an amazing time then, but I was definitely not happy with myself. Looking back on my pictures I think about the fun times we had, but I felt awful about being out there with the way I looked. Now this year I am not yet where I want to be, but I am a heck of a lot closer than last year. I can't wait for our pictures next year because I know I will be much further along. Here are some of y photos from last year. Like I said we had an amazing time then, I just was not happy with myself.

Throwback Thursday

We just celebrated my daughters 2nd birthday the other day (I wrote a post about it), and I started thinking about her 1st birthday. Her party was one of the worst moments of my life. I was overjoyed that my baby was turning one, and I will forever remember that day for that. I tried my hardest to focus on that, but there was a lot of other stuff going on as well. There was some personal family things happening that made that day miserable for me. I found out in the middle of her party that the doctors thought my mom may have cancer. This was quite possibly the worst time to find this out (as if there is ever a good time to find this out). That moment will forever be burned into my memory as one of the worst moments of my life. I remember standing on the front porch (luckily the party was in the backyard so none of the other party guests knew what was going on). Then I just remember falling to the ground crying and screaming when I was told this. I was finally calmed down some, and slapped a smile on my face to enjoy the rest of the day with my daughter. I had a fake smile on my face for awhile. I tried my hardest to just focus on her and be happy. It was her day after all, and not fair at all what else was going on that day to her. I do not think I will ever tell her everything that happened that day. All I want her to remember and know about is that we all celebrated her and how wonderful she is. Luckily she was 1 and had no idea what was going on. I will always remember my baby's first birthday party as a way to celebrate her and her first year of life, and I try to never remember everything else that went on that day. We later found out that she does not have cancer. Looking back on those pictures I remember the sadness I felt that day, and the happiness for my daughter. The latter is what I try to focus on. I also was very very unhappy with how I looked. It was about 95 degrees that day, which made it even more miserable that day. I was so much happier at her birthday party this year.

 

 

I am so glad that I have these pictures so that I can remember her special day celebrating her, but I hate looking at myself in them. 

Throwback Thursday

I find that I am torn with looking at my old photos. I like looking at them for two reasons. One to see the memories I have made with my amazing family. I am so happy that so much has been captured in my children's lives for me to cherish forever. Two to see where I was and how far I have come. I do not like looking at them because it is hard for me to see where I was. I cannot believe I ever let myself get like that. I do know looking back on these though that I will never be there ever again so they do help keep me motivated.

These two pictures were taken on a trip my hubby and I took with my brother and his wife. We had a fantastic time. I honestly can tell you that I did not feel as big as I look. I knew I was big, but not that big. These are hard to look at for that reason. These were actually taken just a few weeks before I started my journey. I said the whole trip when we go next year I am going to be healthy and fit. Well I can happily say that I am well on my way there. I am excited to see our pictures next year from our trip.